I am grateful that my family is alive and well

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years”.

Abraham Lincoln

I have not been inspired for awhile to write in my blog. Unfortunately, something just happened that brings me inspiration. I was going to use “I am grateful that I haven’t fell down the steps” for my gratitude entry, but that must be left for another time.

Everything happens for a reason. Everything is perfect. The Red Sox player Kevin Youkolis was ejected from a game for starting a fight with the pitcher, after hit by a ball. As you know I am an avid Red Sox fan. As angry as I was by the end of the game, we knew there was a reason on a higher level for his ejection. Jason Bay came into the game in his place and smacked in a 3 run home run. Big deal. That’s a easy one

I continuously blog that I am grateful for my family, with no definitive reason. Now I am grateful for their good health. My friend, whose son had grown up with my son, just called me with the news that her son had drowned while being in the shallow water at a beach. A huge wave came and swept him and his friend out to a current. His friends got out, but alas, he did not. He was 25.

As a coach I am supposed to be a role model at all times for my clients. This is one time that I can not. No, I can’t find find the perfection just yet. I cry for the family and my son. I just lost a close friend a few months ago and I know how painful it is.

Donnie was an extraordinary young man, who my family has known since the boys were in diapers.I guess it was his time and that is the perfection. Sometimes we don’t understand the whys, but it is all part of a bigger picture. G-d watches. This has yet to sink in for me. May He console the family in this time of unbearable grief.

I am grateful for my 28 years of marriage to my husband.

A person will be called to account on Judgment Day for every permissible thing he might have enjoyed but did not.

The Talmud

After 28 years one looks back and reflects on their marriage, their life, their achievements. How often do we look back and reflect on all the positive and enjoyable experiences that we do have? There is so much more to life then thinking in the negative. What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? It would take many blog pages to write all of my positive experiences through life, peppered with the not so positive. The lessons we can learn are a very important part of the reflection process. However, looking back and being able to allow ourselves to enjoy our positive experiences can be hard for some. We just don’t let ourselves experience joy. I wonder why we feel that we are not deserving. This is why Positive Psychology is so important for us. We have to relearn and shift our thinking patterns. I love to use exercises to build on my clients’ strengths, and  use powerful, positive imagery. Enjoying the present and future as well,  is an important balance that will lead to a healthy perspective on one’s life.

I enjoyed today thoroughly. It started with a late wake up call, coffee on the deck and the Sunday newspaper. It was a stupendously gorgeous day. (Knowing the Red Sox won the night before wasn’t too shabby either. Yes, it is the little things that count) My husband and I then packed a picnic lunch and met special friends at one of our state parks. (My children are all in NY or Baltimore which is a bit of a trip for any of us). My daughter is expecting soon and of course can’t leave the area, and my sons and their wives have different commitments. We shall see them soon anyway.

What a special day it was. I even hiked 3 miles and of course another 3 miles back, which makes 6 all together. Not the brightest part of the trip, but I did it. Stupid? Yes, as I have significant joint pain. How was I going to get back? Well, at the top I sat on a rock looking out at this magnificent view. I practiced my own imagery exercises and focused on resting. Yes, it worked; with a little help from my husband, a walking stick and G-d. Was I proud of myself? Not really. As my daughter said when she called to wish us a happy anniversary, “WHAT IN THE WORLD WERE YOU THINKING, AND HOW COULD DAD LET YOU DO THAT???) After a good laugh she put my 1 1/2 year old on the phone and that was all the joy I needed to get rid of the pain. Okay, some good meds and a good night sleep will cure it all. I could have been negative about the situation, but I chose t0 be positive and grateful for the opportunity to have the ability to enjoy the day with my husband and friends . Of that, I am proud. And I deserve it!!! It’s not always easy to experience this pain and not be able to fulfill my physical passions. I can be quite a qvetch at times. How much lighter I feel, and how much more appreciative I am. As my dad would say, “I am grateful for all I can do.” He is 95 and has quite a bit of limitation now. That is a story for another day.

Oh yeah, and the Red Sox won again today. Woohoo!!!!

Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit. ~Conrad Hilton

I am grateful for all the blessings that God has bestowed upon my family. I don’t even know where to begin. My son had a baby, my younger son got married and my eldest will be expecting her second child in August. If  I was only given life and nothing more, I would be grateful. Life is a precious gift that we all take for granted until something happens; good or bad.

Many of us go through life buried in fear. Fear of the unknown and the empty spaces that occupy our lives. Doing a crossword puzzle, I was able to see how all the letters just fit together. Start with one and do as many as you can. You continue to fill in the blanks, and even with some help from a loved one, or a friend; even a stranger sitting next to you on the train, you will be able to convert the unknown into the known.

How can you convert fear into intention? The clearer your intention the stronger your focus. Build on that to acheive your life goals. Make sure you are always in action. Stopping can be death to your soul. Rest every now and then to refocus and regroup. Take pleasure in the small things of life.

How will you know when you have achieved your goal?

Enjoy the day!!!

I am grateful that I found my way to the coaching field for 2 reasons.

1. 1. It gives me a sense of purpose

2. 2. It helps my own perspective to shift into a more positive state of well being.

Let me first comment on the beautiful Spring day we are having today. Truly magnificent, in all of G-d’s glory. Nature was ablaze with fiery color, and returning to water aerobics after spraining my ankle (again), was the icing on the cake. I would like to reflect on the beautiful pond’s reflection minus the ducks. ( I guess they are vacationing elsewhere) Each time I go to water aerobics, which is inside a building, I stop to gaze at the pond. Gone is the inflexibility of the pond’s surface. The ice has melted. The trust that one naturally has, keeps us feeling positive that Spring will soon come and the ice will melt. However, ice is just a difference in matter. It is the same water, however it is frozen. It is still beautiful, yet in a different way. Children and adults can skate and you hear squeals of joy. What is not to trust????
However, did I trust that I would once again be back to water aerobics with my sprained ankle? Naaa, I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. It had happened again. Yet what is perfect in all of this? Why did I sprain my ankle and what is can I learn from it. Well, I asked myself, “okay coach, now what is the perfection in twisting your ankle again so close to your future daughter in law’s shower? Do I have to play?????” Well, of course the trust part of my training came out.”Come on, Ev figure it out”. I spent the week in bed still losing weight, because I ditched the prednison in favor of the pain and losing weight for the wedding of my youngest. I didn’t move and I had a shower to give the following Sunday. So, again, how can this be perfect. Ah, I know. If I had not sprained my ankle I would be running around like the energizer bunny not trusting that somehow the shower will still be beautiful. I allowed others to help, and even agreed to the offer from a friend to have it at her house. I babied that ankle like I had never done since I tore the ligaments a few months ago. I felt almost perfect at the shower, and knew that if I had not sprained it, I would be miserable. Weird psychology I know.

As I have mentioned, my youngest is getting married. The other 2 are safely, happily tucked inside of their marriage, and my 3rd is about to be. I have given over my children to someone else to care for them.

SWB (subjective well being )is huge in the field of positive psychology right now. Studies show that it really works. Those who are able to shift into a state of mindset, trusting that, yes, there will be periods of sadness and frustration. However, we can feel the positive acknowledgment taking place, that this too, is just a phase. Neither sadness nor happiness stays forever. Instead it is a delicate balance that we can be aware of. What can we learn from our setbacks and how will we use them to succeed?

There is a quote I love using: Failure is success turned inside out. Use the strengths that we discovered from our failures and turn them around in order to succeed. Here is a link which I would like to share with you. http://www.usatoday.com/money/smallbusiness/columnist/abrams/2005-03-25-failure_x.htm

In other words, trust the process. Your children are not growing away from you. However, your essence begins to shift.

In my own coach’s words, the only should is self care.Though of course when our children were small, each of us had a different perspective on the word should.

Now you have the opportunity to take advantage of the situation. Begin an exercise program, get more beauty treatments, or just take some quiet time out for yourself. You may even be looking for a different job. Recreate yourself! Have fun! Whoo whoo!!! Life is about exploration. Go to it!!!!!!

What would you do if this was the first day of the rest of your life?

On a side note. GO REDSOX!!!!!

Just a quick update in- between blogs. What an exciting time for me!! My son and daughter in law just had a baby girl. Ah, another little soul for this world. Yes, I am grateful for all my children, grandchildren, and most of all my husband.

I can’t wait to see my granddaughter, but I must be patient. It is a 2 hour drive and I had to send my husband with my mother in law, as I am not up to traveling due to the chronic pain I experience. I pray that I will be in good shape for the huge party I am giving my youngest in honor of his marriage this weekend so I remained at home, writing my blog. I of course sent clothes for my new little one. She should not have to start her new life without a stretchie from her grandmother. Being the ever indulgent grandmother I bought my older granddaughter some clothes too and baked her cookies. She is 17 months old now and we have been enjoying her tremendously. She is also 2 hrs. away, but will be here for the weekend with her mommy and daddy.

A week from Sunday we have the wedding.Whoohoo!!!! Transitioning from one stage to another is good and so is life!!

It has been awhile since I had last entered a blog. I was bogged down by my own life experiences and was focusing on them. I am back again, as so is the spring.

Painful as it may be, a significant emotional event can be the catalyst for choosing a direction that serves us–and those around us — more effectively. Look for the learning.

Eric Allenbaugh
American Author of ”Wake-Up Calls”

I find this quote very moving and worthwhile to remember when times get tough. There will be tough times ahead of all of us. What  serves us is to find the perfection in every occurrence no matter how hopeless it seems to be in the moment.

To quote a paragraph from my research paper completed for certification from my life coach program.

Building on Strengths:

Positive Psychology and the Art and Science of Life Coaching

A common goal of coaching is to bring additional fulfillment and happiness to one’s life. How can coaches achieve these goals with their clients? One theory that may be used is subjective well-being (SWB). Ed Diener, the world’s leading expert on subjective well-being, states that happiness contains both an affective (feeling) component and cognitive (satisfaction) component. (“Subjective Well-Being,” by E. Diener,1984, Psychological Bulletin, 95, p 542-575) This is described as a person’s state of mind being in a sense of well-being rather than always in a state of happiness. Researchers in this area found that negative emotions, including grief, anger, fear and sadness, are all integral to the ability to feel satisfied with life. It is of utmost importance that we give our clients permission to experience these “negative” emotions as well. The findings from these studies indicate that “A happy person, using the SWB definition, would be someone who is somewhat satisfied with her life, feels a preponderance of pleasant emotions, and only occasional, appropriate guilt, sadness, anger, and fear. (Positive Psychology Coaching pg.41)

I found this subject to be fascinating, and researched it further (Some day I will get it published).

We feel that the moment we are in will become the rest of our lives. Whether it is a fight with our spouse, a child, a parent, a friend, of even physical or emotional pain, from experience we know it will not last forever. We need only to remind ourselves of that. As coaches a powerful question we ask of our clients is, “Have you ever felt this way before, and how did you deal with these feelings?” Chances are we will come across these feelings along our journey and must draw strength from past experiences where we succeeded in handling our emotions and converted them to a positive experience.

We need to look at the moments of life as a piece of the unfinished tapestry we weave throughout our lives. By staying strong and focused we will keep our life of moments balanced and healthy. Our spirituality, religion, support team, and strong sense of self will enable us to achieve this most difficult yet rewarding task.

Now, go find your dreams; focus, and together with your support system, you will overcome each and every obstacle. You can do it!!!!!  Most important; Keep smiling!!!!

I am grateful for my family even more so during these tough times.

Unfortunately, not only mothers are experiencing life transitions. The world has been hit hard by the loss of economic wealth. Many have to switch gears midway and find new passions to lead them towards new income. Clearly not an easy task. Some are have take drastic measures in the past.

Reading the Reader’s Digest (Feb.2009), I came across an article “Recession Wisdom.”  During the recession in April 1930 a gentleman who had lost a million of metal tokens put a revolver to his head and killed himself. He had lost nothing but money; however he has deprived himself of life and his family with their loved one. What a profound perspective. How sad.

People who have lost money or their jobs are despondent because they cannot support their families at this time. They don’t realize that their families are losing their loved ones as well. How ironic. This feeling can be shifted a more positive way of thinking.

Here is another perspective which took place during the December 1933 recession. (Reader’s Digest, Feb. 2008) “Surely the ability to get laughter out of trivial things, under miserable conditions, is not an entirely worthless result of the depression. I have little hope of getting started again in my former business, so I have the thrill of planning my future all over again.” B Gordon Byron.

Whoa, what a unique concept which is incredibly difficult to implement. We can fill in the blanks again with what we may do differently facing a new opportunity.  Hey, what is done is done. We may as well turn it into a positive. I don’t want to be glib however, I feel that we need more positive perspectives now then ever before. I believe that it takes fewer muscles to smile that to frown.

Visiting my cousin this last weekend gave me the opportunity to hear a perspective from someone close to me who has just lost his job. They may be retiring and moving to Florida;  however he recognizes this loss as an opportunity to tap into his abundant wealth of experience, strengths, and talents. He may even be starting his own business. Whoohoo!!!!!  If it is new challenges you need and are looking for, I will help you move out of your comfort zone and get you there.

If you believe you can, you probably can. If you believe you won’t, you most assuredly won’t. Belief is the ignition switch that gets you off the launching pad. Dennis Waitley

As a life coach I can help you with all these challanges.Now is the time to find that change you have always been looking for. Perhaps that is what the loss of a job is pointing you to.

I dream my painting and I paint my dream Vincent Van Gogh

How true this is in life. I must say that I am grateful to my own Life Coach who keeps me on track, positive, and enthused. I am also grateful for my own spirituality which helps me navigate my life.

Here we are at the end of January. Where do we go from here?  The quote above will help keep you focused while striving towards your goals.

By now the birds have flown the coop and mothers have to think “now what?”  Have you gotten use to having the kids home again, only to see them vanish? Four and 1/2 months have flown by (along with the children).  How are you all doing? Do you have all of your talents, strengths and abilities accounted for? It is of course a never ending process. Life is a journey and the optimism and support that we have given to our children will serve us well in creating our own destination. Continue to dream. take stock of that which you are passionate about, and acknowledge your talent. Above all enjoy this next phase of your life.

Today I am grateful for a number of things. On a personal note, I am grateful that my friend who has been diagnosed with metastatic melanoma was able to come home to recuperate after having surgery to remove tumors that were in her brain.

On a worldly note: Everyone from the plane that crashed into the NY river had all come out with minor to no injuries. Most importantly, they all survived an accident that should have been devastating. To me that is a message that we are meant to continue on with the knowledge that there is a Higher Being conducting the symphony of this World. Even the newscasters were calling it a miracle. That being said, I am sure that you have all heard different stories, so I will keep it at that without rehashing it.  This is not an informational blog, rather a blog to share with my dear readers my views of optimism we should always carry in our hearts.

Yes, it is the beginning of a New Year and I suppose I am a bit behind on blogging then most of the world. I really did not have much to say and was busy with many other things going on in my life.

By now many of you are either enthusing yourself to stay motivated in regard to your New Year’s resolutions, or have fallen off the path leading to your success. That would not be uncommon, as many of us who are going through different transitions have experienced this phenomena. (Hmm, what exactly is the meaning of phenomena???)

I would love for those who are enjoying their transformations to let me know and share with the world your successes. You can do that by leaving comments.

I would like to share with you a metaphor that may help guide us to success. Life really is about baby steps. My friend sent me an email with a beautiful attachment; “The Daffodil Principle”.  The short version without the aplomb and beauty of the message, (which will be even more powerful if you watch it), tells a story of a beautiful landscape filled with millions of daffodils. The heroine of the story planted one bulb at a time over the years. It started out small and it grew each day until one could see nothing but daffodils. I really suggest that you take a look at this beautiful message. It sums up life in a daffodil.  Here is the link.

http://www.atthewell.com/daffodils/

I hope you enjoy it and hear the message to start off your new 2009.

That is it for now. I will leave you on this note.

Remember that 1 piece of paper weighs nothing. However, if you put a ream of paper on a scale it can weigh at least 5 pounds. So don’t forget to take baby steps and use all of your support systems to clear your way. It is a difficult time right now, but perhaps it is time to grow a new business, or make powerful changes for the rest of your life.

After listening to my Newsie cd I realized I made an error in my last post regarding the year that the paper boys’ strike took place. The correct year was 1899.

I am grateful for the wonderful,  healthy year I have had which was mixed in with my son’s marriage,  a baby, and another on the way. I plan to have an even greater and bolder year. I wish the same to you and yours. Stay tuned for more on Life Coaching, Children Flying the Coup, Women and Men finding their new lives, Gratitude, Positive Psychology,  Quotes, and of course the Red Sox.  Maybe this year.

The calendar year of 2008 is coming to an end. May 2009 bring all of you and your families good health, prosperity, happiness,trust in the process, and the break that you all deserve. Don’t forget to think out of the box. The best is yet to come!!!! While we were touring Israel a number of years ago, we had a tour guide who kept saying that over and over again. Needless to say, my kids got tired of it after awhile. However, I feel that if we apply this concept to our life, it is indeed empowering.

See you in 2009